WOW…I went back and read this one that I wrote three weeks before my BLAST class started. How awesome! Here we are several months later and I am beginning to understand why God put me in this mentoring program. Can’t wait to see what the future holds!
Almost a year ago God put a buzz in my ear about a class. I think I knew as soon as I heard about the class that God was telling me to take it, but as usual I dismissed it. A few months later I got an email about the class and that still small voice once again prompted me to go for it. I procrastinated and didn’t do anything about it until about 3 hours before the application deadline and hurriedly threw my information together simply as an act of obedience. Three days later I had my interview and was in the class. Here I am just a few weeks out from the start of the year long class and I am still unsure what God has in store for me with all of it. It is a class for aspiring speakers, and writers…..the problem is that I am not “aspiring” to be either one of those things. If I am totally honest with myself, God has spoken to me about this for years. Way back in college God gave me a couple of opportunities to speak to a crowd and something within me felt God stirring. My pastor at the time encouraged me after hearing me once and that has stuck with me for years. The problem is that I don’t honestly know what I have to offer that is unique. I don’t say that with a “woe is me” kinda attitude, but in a genuine realistic way. There are so many wise talented people out there, and I don’t see what I have to offer that would be any different or better than what is already available. I absolutely love raising my kids and homeschooling them….there simply isn’t time for anything else. I want to be the best possible help mate to my husband and between that and raising my kids I don’t feel like there is much left. Despite all of these things, and I have shared them with God over and over…, the prompting for this class and availability in the future remains. I am going forward with absolutely no expectations, but with an obedient and willing spirit. I want what God wants and I long to serve him to the fullest. I just want clarity and peace. I want to serve my God. I just feel at a loss…..