Christy Kennard

one step away… March 16, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — christykennard @ 11:27 pm

This one was written just before my sweet Eden entered the world…

I had a pretty rough day yesterday and just felt totally inadequate and overwhelmed by the time the kids were in bed. I felt tears come to the surface most of the day and just wondered how in the world I was going to make it to bed time. Here we are about to have our fifth child and I am struggling to take care of the four I already have. I have caught myself questioning God more in the last 6 months about his trust level for me than I have at any other time in my life. I just don’t understand why he thinks I am capable of raising another child and yet 8 weeks from now she will be here. As I laid in bed this morning getting ready to face the day I just asked God, “How in the world am I going to make it today?” I cried out in desperation feeling so incapable of being the loving and kind mom that I know I am called to be. I just laid there as I felt God whisper a promise into my ear. I am only capable because of Jesus. I can’t raise these kids, I can’t teach these kids, I can’t even be kind to these kids………..without my savior! It is through him that I CAN! You hear stories about “crazy” people who hurt their kids and I realized today that it is only through Christ that I am not one of them. You see women that up and leave their families because it is simply too much and I am just one Jesus step away from being that woman.  My thoughts even went to the point of people who murder or rape other people…..am I really only one step away from that? It is pretty humbling to see myself for who I am without Christ. I am naturally evil and it is only in the salvation of Christ that I am capable of doing anything good. I am so easily led astray by selfish desires and when I step outside of Christ and His will for me I am just a filthy no good sinner. I NEED Jesus. I am incapable of anything but evil without Him!

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