One of my favorite people in the whole world came for a visit the last couple of days. We have been friends since we were teenagers and spending time with her is certainly one of my favorite things to do! We had some incredible conversations. She is one of the people in my life that I can totally be myself around. I don’t even have to clean the house for her. (Now that is a TRUE friend!!) We were up until 2:00 in the morning two nights in a row just talking and sharing our hearts.
We had an amazing conversation about fear. We were sharing some of the areas of our life where this shows up. Rejection was one of the things that we had some good discussion about. I know I struggle with this but what struck me was that I never knew this about her. We are not just casual friends, we have been very close for many years. I laid in bed with my jaw dropped, how did I miss this? I was praying and it occurred to me that there are so many things in my life that I bury deep in the sand of my heart. My insecurities, my failures, and my shortcomings…these are things that I purposely don’t talk about. I don’t want people to know how much I struggle with feeling inadequate, it is embarrassing just writing it down. I came face to face with the reality that when I really pull back the cover over these feelings I am left with fear. I have spent that last 24 hours really evaluating and pondering how often this kind of fear inhibits me. Do I allow it to keep me from doing things? Do I allow it to keep me only where I am comfortable? I think that in a lot of ways I do. There are some verses in 1 John 4:15-18 that say, “If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
These words are rocking my world today. I genuinely love God. The thought of living my life without him reminds me of that feeling you get when the air gets knocked out of you yet I still live in fear in certain areas of my life. I belive in the concept that perfect love drives out my fears, but I really need to make that tangible in my life. I am going to do some stepping out….. 🙂