Last week I was tired, frustrated, and WAY over my head! We had revive weekend for our youth and I recruit all of the drivers and host homes for the event. My job this year was to place 250 teenagers in 20 homes and needed about 30 drivers to transport them. This would not have been all that bad except for the fact that 80 of them waited until the very last-minute to sign up…whooohoooo!!! Even better you have kids that make no friend requests and want me to rearrange every other kid in order to get them into the house they want. My phone had to be recharged twice on Friday alone with all the phone calls I received from parents and kids hoping I could make their last-minute changes. To top it off twenty minutes before the event begins I was told that one of the bible study leaders wasn’t coming. STRESS is an understatement! Don’t get me wrong…I am NOT complaining about the job I had. I LOVE being a part of the student ministry and all the crazy events my husband comes up with! I simply share all of this to let you get a little understanding of the chaos that was floating around in my mind.
As I was talking to my husband I expressed a little attitude…okay a LOT of attitude! At this point I don’t even remember what I was so upset about, but I do remember the sinking feeling in my gut when I realized that there were people all around watching me “express” myself. I was so embarrassed. What struck me even deeper was that as I evaluated the reasons that I was so upset it wasn’t because I was disrespectful to my husband, it was the fact that lots of people witnessed me doing it! It would be easy for me to blame the fact that I was stressed out on my behavior, but all the stress did was make me less effective at choosing when to air my grievances.
It sounds kind of cheesy to say that Jesus is always watching me, but is it not true? When I give attitude to my husband when it is just the two of us, doesn’t God see the condition of my heart? I work daily on training the issues in the hearts of my children but let mine fall to the way side. I go the extra mile to make sure that I behave myself when there is an audience, but am I as concerned about the audience of One that I claim to live my life for? I long to be the kind of wife that will honor God and encourage my husband. It is disappointing when I fall short but my desire is to seek forgiveness from both my husband and my God as I work towards controlling my tongue!
“Even death and destruction hold no secrets from the Lord. How much more does he know the human heart!” Proverbs 15:11 (NLT)